A big THANK YOU to Cullen Larson, and Catholic Relief Services, for the presentation I witnessed yesterday, for making it possible. Special thanks to Cathy Crosby, head of Pax Christi Atlanta, for all her service. And to all who attended, asked questions, made or brought goodies to eat and
drink. What a day, filled with possibility!

"RECONCILIATION", HE SAID.
The "he" being Rami Elhanan, the Israeli-Zionist half of a unlikely duo discussing peace in an unexpected place:
a Roman Catholic Church(specifically, at St. Jude the Apostle's events hall known as The Stapleton Center). Elhanan, a 58-year-old graphics designer, began by talking about his father, a Holocaust survivor he called "a graduate of Auschwitz". Both grandparents were killed there.
He spoke of Yom Kippur, the time when tradition calls for Jews to ask God for forgiveness. Elhanan recalled the October 7th offensive, some 34 years ago...seven tanks became just three, and he became a bitter, though still very young man. He married, had four children.
Just a few days before Yom Kippur, on September 4th, 1997, Elhanan's 14-year-old daughter, Smadar, (the name comes from the Bible's "Song of Solomon", it means "Blossom of the Grapevine" )was walking with several other children to get new books for the school year. Two suicide bombers-- members of Hamas-- ran to the children, blowing themelves up, and killing several children. For a few moments, Elhanan spoke of the agony of not knowing where his daughter was, if she'd been a victim of the latest attack. He discovered she'd been killed, and "saw what I will never forget. That picture will be in my head, forever."
He explained he knew then he had only two choices:
One was to stay angry. Easy to do, as he was furious, ready to kill. The other would require him to stop being angry, to see that more killing would not solve anything. He was not yet ready for that option. When a friend came during the traditional Jewish seven days and seven nights of grief known as Shiva, and suggested to Elhanan he embrace peace, Elhanan was deeply offended. "How dare this man come into my house, after my daughter was murdered, and speak of peace?"
Several weeks later, and Elhanan admits he's not sure why he agreed--perhaps out of curiousity-- he accompianed his peace-loving friend to meet members of a group called The Parents Circle--Families Forum.
"I met people I would never have expected to meet. People who'd lost family members, people active in the Zionist community; I met Yakov Gutterman, the famed Holocaust survivor who lost his son in the first Lebanon war, and later protested the war in Lebanon.I saw and met Palestinian families. Actual human beings, not just workers in the street, or statistics."
He discovered "The power of pain is very powerful, it is like nuclear power. It can be used for darkness, or for good.Violence is not our destiny...Our pain is exactly the same pain. If we who paid the ultimate price, can talk, and do this, surely we can end this."
The Reconciliation offered is one, I think, of coming to terms with, and being in a place of peace even while in the midst of unimaginable loss.
Next to speak was Mazen Faraj, the other half of this odd couple, a Palestinian-Muslim man who grew up with several brothers and sisters in a refugee camp near Bethelem City. Palestinians were allowed no land, no homes. For twelve years, he lived in tents. Later, the U.N. provided small rooms (no matter how large the family, brothers, sisters, parents ware forced to share one or two small rooms). He was angry, and longed to fight against this occupation. In 2002, his 62-year-old father was murdered by Israeli soldiers as he returned from shopping at market, headed home to his children. It was so painful to hear how his entire family was denied even going to see his father's body until the next day. This charismatic young man spoke of his beloved father:
"I saw my father's body, not his soul....my father was my father and my mother to me; I lost her when I was six months old. He was my whole family, to me...I wanted to create something new, for him...More violence will never bring my father back...We must have peace, justice. We must end the occupation....The Muslims, the Christians, the Jews, we have to support one another."
Of course, there were plenty of questions from us, the audience. At least two people were very agitated, and somewhat agitating. One was a military fellow who obviously disagreed with "leftist" policies, and he walked out, shortly after the discussion began.The other was a young Jewish man, an American who'd just returned from a trip to Jerusalem, and who repeatedly referred to anyone other than Israelis as "terrorists", until Rami Elhanan reminded him that we cannot keep referring to each other in this way. In referencing suicide bombers-- Hamas-- the people who took his own daughter, Elhanan spoke with a tenderness, a kindness, "Someone who has something to live for, will not commit suicide." And when asked about forgiveness, he added, "I am afraid it's not about forgiveness; the killing of innocents is never forgivable. What you can do is try to find a way out of this violence. It is not forgiveness, it is reconciliation. I call him brother." he said, gesturing, to Mazen Faraj, and cupping his hand.
Elhanan told us that the group to which they belong, The Parents' Circle/Families Forum was chastised by reporters in the media when they gave blood (Palestinians offered blood for banking for injured Jews, and Jews offered blood for banking for needy Palestinians), "But we say
'It is easier to give our blood to others, than to spill it'. "
The group has sponsored many successful projects:
"Hello Peace", which enables, through a simple, 4-digit number, Palestinians and Israelis to speak to one another about their concerns. Many young people are using this as a way of connecting, of making their world a smaller, safer, saner place. Both gentleman go into high-schools in Israel and Palestine and speak to students, who are always grateful, and thank the men for coming. Often, it is the only time they have encountered someone of a different background in a neutral or inclusive setting. They also host Summer Camps, where bereaved families' children play together, talk, and listen to each other, learn one anothers' histories.
"We build a bridge for future generations", offered Mazen Faraj. He added that he is thinking of his younger child, a twenty-month-old daughter. He said three of his brothers, and his wife, and many friends, support his efforts for peace.
In the midst of all this talk of peace, one woman who was in attendance at the event, mentioned she had a friend who'd recently moved to the U.S. from Israel. "Why didn't your friend come?" asked Elhanan.
The woman seemed reluctant to answer, but finally spat out what sentiments her friend held. "I explained to him that there were two speakers. One Israeli, the other Palestinian. He text-messaged me and it read: My wife says one bullet; I say, two." As her words rang through the air, there was a collective gasp of fear, of despair among us. She punctuated this by telling us what her friend told her, after she called him, imploring him to at least come and listen: "The only good Arab, is a dead Arab." Mazen Faraj looked down, closed his eyes for a brief moment, and I saw Rami Elhanan reach for his dear brother's hand. "This is what we are up against. This does not surprise me." he said simply. He went on to tell the woman, "Your friend came here[to the United States]. It is very easy to come here, and let others pay the price. You tell him I said that."
A gentleman in the audience spoke up, saying how brave both men were, doing this.Coming here, going to churches, synagogues, and mosques and high-schools and universities, to show us what can be done to further peace. "Now it is up to you.", said Elhanan. Both men said they expected us to tell of what we'd just heard.
So I am doing that. The link for more information on the group they have joined, together, as brothers, is:
http://www.theparentscircle.org/

I'll leave you with the first words Elhanan spoke, as he introduced himself:"I am an Israeli, a Jew, a Zionist. But most of all, first of all, I am a human being."
A FILM ABOUT THESE GENTLEMAN, AND THE GROUP TO WHICH THEY BELONG, IS AVAILABLE. IT IS CALLED "ENCOUNTER POINT". LOOK FOR IT AT YOUR LOCAL MOVIE-RENTAL, OR AT AMAZON.COM, OR ORDER IT FROM NETFLIX!
More information on this appearance can be found by going to:
http://www.paxchristiatlanta.org/
http://www.paxchristiusa.org/

On Saturday, in the events hall of St. Jude the Apostle R.C. Church, in Dunwoody/Sandy Springs area, a bit of history will be made:
Members of two families who lost loved ones in the Middle East--Palestinian and Israeli-- will join together to speak about FORGIVENESS. It should be a powerful, healing event.
This is NOT a "Catholic" or even "Christian" event, but a chance to listen, to learn, to provide understanding...it's FREE, and I'll be there(and, we have cookies!).Join us at 2:00 P.M., Saturday. The event lasts until 4:00 P.M. There is a Mass at 5:30 P.M., too.
Here's to Peace.
Other ways to create Peace: Support and Encourage INCLUSION. You can begin, right now, by going to
COLLIN KELLEY'S BLOG--called MODERN CONFESSIONAL-- for info on LGBT concerns we all should be supporting! Click on the link, below!
http://collinkelley.blogspot.com/
Have a great weekend, kids.

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP?
I knew at an early age(say, 11 or so) that I would become an actor. I went to see a play, "The Glass Menagerie", by Tennessee Williams, at the Asolo State Theatre, in Sarasota, Florida as a field trip when I was enrolled at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Academy. I was in sixth grade, and terribly shy. I had just gotten glasses the year before, and my smile was a troubling one. My "eye teeth" were coming in at an angle, under both sides of my upper lips, --such that they appeared pointed, and fang-like.I had pale olive skin(and I had patches of very white skin forming--the opposite of freckles, on my face-- a medical condition known as vitiligo--and it gave me a "ghostly" look). And I had long, wavy black-ish hair, and so, was called "vampire" and "Dracula" by more than a few kids. I remember feeling heat in my face whenever a teacher called on me to answer a question. Even when I knew I had the correct answer, I still felt terribly unsure, self-conscious, shy. Everything changed, in an instant, when I witnessed "Laura Wingfield" alighting the stage. She entered the room, and I felt my breath quicken, as she spoke to "The Gentleman Caller, Jim" , about her disability. The play of course, was tender and moving in all the ways it could be---Laura discovering a love interest(though it was unrequited); Laura learning to express her deepest desire, learning to take a chance. On herself.
When I returned home, I told my Mom, "I think I know what I'm going to be when I grow up."
"What's that?" she asked, looking me directly in the eye.
"An actress."
"Lisa, you're so shy. Are you sure you could do that?"
"Yes," I said. "You can be this other person, and everyone can understand you."
In that moment, though I did not realize it, I was tapping into what I think everyone wants to be, when they grow up---understood.
I discovered later that I find myself in a role, rather than lose myself in a role, and the exchange between actor and audience thrills me to this day. And that afternoon at Asolo State Theatre? It was my my first taste of "communion" outside of the Latin Mass I attended several times a week at our school's church.
WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP?

MORNINGS IN SPRING.
So I think except for the pollen, it's a great, big wide open world. That I can't handle any more joy. That even though I've lost people(and one sweet, special doggie!) very dear to me in the past few years, I wake up on Spring mornings, knowing life is here. For us, the living. That I lose patience with those who refuse to "seize the day". That I like this tapping of my fingers against the keys. That I'd prefer to have a Mac to type this, but right now, I'm just writing. Saying a tiny bit of what's traveling through my head:
My sis, Tina is working on a great big wonderful project: helping to change Florida's ridiculous coda which insists that LGBT folks can "foster", but not adopt children. A quote from my beautiful (inside and out) sis:
"If they can provide 'safe haven' as a foster-parent, they should be able to adopt. I want to change this law; get an amendment, whatever it takes...."
God Bless You, kid! You rock, woman!
My honey, Hansoo turns 37 soon(ahhh, 37--I was once so young!) and I love how his hair has just a tiny, few strands of gray. How distinguished(yes, I know that is a cliche' way to describe it)he looks. That he makes the best mashed potatoes I've ever eaten(with fresh garlic, whole cream, etc...).That I love Chapchae(sometimes spelled Japjae--Korean noodles with vegetables--yum!) and Hamool Panjun(delicious "pancake" of green onion, veggies, and sometimes seafood). That I love learning to cook Korean food. That I hope I can be the best partner to him. That my life is more extraordinary than I could have imagined, years ago. Or maybe even weeks ago.That I'm so fortunate that my parents are alive, and that I am emotionally very close with them, even if geographical distance prevents me from getting to see my Daddy as often as I'd like. That I have a lovely, smart niece, who is working hard in her field of choice--a life in healing others....
What do you feel good about in your own life? What keeps you feeling life is worth living?
Have a peaceful, peace-filled Tuesday...

A CULTURE OF DEATH.
That's what the Roman Catholic Church has dubbed modern society, and I admit I at first was stymied by this. I wanted to say "No, you have it all wrong. We are a society, culture, and world, that celebrates life."
It turns out, the Catholic Church was definitely ahead of the curve, on this.
Consider Ms. Shvarts, a Yale student who claimed she had deliberately impregnated herself, several times, in order to
create numerous miscarriages, which she then videotaped(her on a toliet). She then preserved the tissue/fluids with petroleum jelly("so it wouldn't dry out") and prepared to hang this material in sheets, overhead, as her Yale "art project".
As I read the details of this "art project", I was sickened, and found it hard to believe. Several posters to salon. com commented that it sounded like a hoax. Turns out, this one was.
Apparently, Ms. Shvarts thought it an interesting concept to make people feel physically nauseated(mission accomplished, Ms. Shvarts!).Actually, I don't know precisely WHAT her intention was, but even conceiving(pardon the awful pun here) of such an "art project" is inherently cruel. And cruelty apparently, sells.
The recent examples at San Francisco Art Institute and Adel Abdessemed's "art" involving deliberate execution of several animals by hammer, and the even more recent example of an art gallery inviting back an "artist" who rounded up a dog from the street, only to then tie a rope around his(the dog's) neck, and leaving him to starve to death. In the art gallery, on exhibit, for all to see/watch. There is even video of guests of the gallery, "art" patrons, milling about, chatting, as an emaciated dog lies in the middle of the floor, dying.(And no, I did NOT click on these images--I do not want this in my head--but it is absolutely true).
So we do have a culture of death. A culture that celebrates animals being killed for no reason other than the ego of an "artist"; a dog starved to death for the same reason, and a woman(bears mentioning her gender again, as we women are supposedly the beings with so much empathy) art student decides it's clever or witty or insightful --not to challenge us--
but to sicken us by alledging she used her body to create something alive, only to banish it--for sport.
Whatever this trend in academia is, please stop it.
I always considered myself a proud intellectual, a thinker who acts, who writes, who empathizes, who feels.
But I want no part of this.
And as far as the Catholic Church goes, when they spoke of a culture of death, they were speaking against war, especially preemptive war(our invasion of Iraq for example); they were speaking against abortion because the Church believes all human life, sacred; they were speaking against capital punishment(for the same reason they are against abortion--all human life is sacred, and of God).
When these "artists" speak, they are working in a medium that ideally should raise our consciousness...I am not implying all art should be "uplifting"...certainly, art can horrify(case in point, the exhibits which memoralize the Holocaust).
In cases where horrifying the audience may be justified, the artist is documenting history, questioning motive, and examining our response(or lack thereof). In these recent examples, however, cruelty is created for cruelty's sake. Such a lack of imagination should not be rewarded with grants, with support, and with the blessings of universities.

In spite of tremendous wrongs in the Catholic Church(the sex-abuse scandal, the utter disregard for ordination of women priests,non-inclusive policies towartds LGBT people), they have my deepest respect on their perception and our reality of our very sad...Culture of Death.
For more details on the story I referenced above, read on...

Yale: Student artwork purporting to show abortion a hoax
By PAT EATON-ROBB – 1 day ago
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — A Yale University art student duped the student newspaper with a story about inducing repeated abortions on herself and using the blood for her senior art project, the school said Thursday.
The story about Aliza Shvarts' project, published Thursday in the Yale Daily News, swept across blogs and media outlets — including the Drudge Report, Fox News and The Washington Post — before Yale issued a statement saying it investigated and found it all to be a hoax that was Shvarts' idea of elaborate "performance art."
"The entire project is an art piece, a creative fiction designed to draw attention to the ambiguity surrounding form and function of a woman's body," said Yale spokeswoman Helaine Klasky.
Shvarts' "performance art" included visual representations, a news release and other narrative materials, Klasky said. When confronted by three senior Yale officials, including two deans, Shvarts acknowledged that she was never pregnant and did not induce abortions.
Shvarts told the student paper that she planned to display a work that consisted of a cube lined with plastic sheets with a blood-and-petroleum-jelly mixture in between, onto which she would project video footage of herself "experiencing miscarriages in her bathroom tub."
The newspaper's account detailed "a nine-month process during which (Shvarts) artificially inseminated herself 'as often as possible' while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages."
Shvarts told the paper her goal was to spark conversation and debate on the relationship between art and the human body.
Cullen MacBeth, the student newspaper's managing editor, declined to comment Thursday.
Shvarts could not be reached for comment. Her telephone number was disconnected and she did not respond to e-mails or a knock on the door at the address listed for her in the campus directory in New Haven.
Groups both for and against abortion rights expressed outrage over the affair.
Ted Miller, a spokesman for NARAL Pro-Choice America, called the concept offensive and "not a constructive addition to the debate over reproductive rights."
Peter Wolfgang, executive director of the Family Institute of Connecticut, an anti-abortion group, said his anger was not mitigated by the fact that Shvarts was never pregnant.
"I'm astounded by this woman's callousness," he said. "There are thousands of women in this country who are dealing with the pain of having had an abortion, with the trauma of having suffered a miscarriage. For her to make light of that for her own purposes is just beyond words."

SINCE LAST WEDNESDAY....
I've been working on memorizing more(I keep adding pieces, and subtracting pieces!) of my one-woman "Show & Tell", a dark comedy (not suitable for anyone under 16) about strippers and their interactions in a famous Atlanta nightclub which will debut in one venue(or even two!) this summer, in Atlanta!I also have two venues lined up in Florida, and one in Indiana, and one in L.A.
I am also currently writing "The Woman Who Called Herself Vincent", about lovely poet Edna St. Vincent-Millay. I hope to debut this piece later this year, possibly in the fall(Maybe at the Atlanta Queer Lit Fest, or in that time-frame, anyway. We'll see.) Ms. Vincent was bisexual, brilliant, and bipolar(though I doubt the illness was well understood back then).
Today I spoke with a friend recently diagnosed as Bipolar, and this individual is very pleased with the medication and feels much more centered, focused, able to finish projects, etc.And I think for this person, given the rapid, positive results, and given that there was severe discord in their life, it is a rational, reasonable thing to take medication to improve the quality of their life. Bipolar can be quite a serious illness.
At one point, this person said "You know, you were very depressed when your dog died, Lisa...", and then implied I too, could be Bipolar, I should take the same meds, etc...
I quickly responded with "Yes, and I should have been depressed.But I was suffering from grief. It's normal to feel grief. What I felt was loss: grief; not depression."
And though I was so sad that I could not function for a few days
(I remember finding it difficult to swallow water, so tight was my throat, so strong the ache), I explained, "I'm grateful I could feel that. If I hadn't--if I'd, as you just suggested, taken meds, I might still not be able to get past that loss. I needed to feel it, and feel it fully. To be in the pain..."
Several weeks ago, another dear friend explained anxiety meds were absolutely necessary for feeling good. That once the drugs "kicked in" life was great, the sun was shining, etc...That meds are needed for fuctioning, as this person gets depressed, anxious when faced with life(for the record, this individual has been pretty much unemployed for over 12 years, and nearly penniless for the past seven years.And refuses to interview for any kind of work, claiming "social anxiety disorder"(which I know is a real phenomenon, as evidenced by studies which show certain individuals "Flight or Fight" impulse is overly-sensitized, and they become easily, inexplicably paranoid in public).
Which got me to thinking:
What the hell is going on?
Since when do we turn to meds for relieving feelings of sadness, when we have been hurt, and are supposed to feel, well, sad? Sadness is what helps us develop empathy. (Which most of the world needs more of!)
If you are hurt, be sad. Be in the loss. Write about it, talk about it, but feel it. DON'T numb it up, or dumb it down. Respect your emotions, by feeling them..
And anxiety-- uncomfortable as it is-- helps motivate us out of a bad situation.The individual who lives in their mom's house at age 50, hasn't held a job in a decade or more, and lacks social skills only makes it worse by taking meds. Because feeling good about one's life, when there's nothing productive being done, no accomplishments being achieved, etc., is not good, it's silly. Maybe even pathetic. Because life asks more of us.
Life asks us to be present. In the moment.
So, unless you are suicidal--truly, severely depressed--or think you might hurt others--I think depression is way over "diagnosed". And as far as anxiety goes, I say feel it. If you're an actor, you know what I mean: Go to the bathroom, and heave(most actors feel sick just before going onstage), and then go onstage and perform. Life asks us to get out there, to perform, even when it's difficult. And you know what?
It's when we try the difficult, the seemingly impossible, that we reap the biggest reward.
So do it.
Tell your friends on meds, to try talk therapy, behavior modification, and to get out there and act--act on your life. With vision. And purpose. You can't do that, if you're drugged-up. Medicated.
And if you insist on your meds, go ahead. But guess what? The latest findings show that even with lots of the "best" meds, individuals who only do that, and don't do the talk therapy, and behavior modification, do not get any better. They might feel like everything is okay. And I'm sure that feels good. But creating a state of mind where you feel good when your body is trying to tell you "Hey, wake up. Life is going by, and you need to do something." is not a good thing.
What do you think?
Have a great Thursday.

Here's a tidbit for all us folks who embrace science, AND have a sense of Faith.Interesting concept follows, in the article below...And, although I doubt we will ever "Know the mind of God", it's dreaming of moments like this, that unite us in our search for wonder, our appreciation of the world, our awe. Read on....

'God particle' expected to be found soon
By ALEXANDER G. HIGGINS, Associated Press WriterTue Apr 8, 4:46 PM ET
The father of a theoretical subatomic particle dubbed "the God particle" says he's almost sure it will be confirmed in the next year in a race between powerful research equipment in the United States and Europe.
British physicist Peter Higgs, who more than 40 years ago postulated the existence of the particle in the makeup of the atom, said is visit to a new accelerator in Geneva last weekend encouraged him that the Higgs boson will soon be seen.
The $2 billion Large Hadron Collider, under construction since 2003, is expected to start operating by June at the European Laboratory for Particle Physics (known as CERN).
It likely will take several months before the hundreds of scientists from around the world are ready to start smashing together protons to study their composition.
Higgs said Monday the particle may already have been created at the rival Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory outside Chicago, where the Tevatron is currently the world's most powerful particle accelerator.
"The Tevatron has plenty of energy to do it," Higgs said. "It's just the difficulty of analyzing the data which prevents you from knowing quickly what's hiding in the data."
The massive new CERN collider, which has been installed in a 17-mile circular tunnel under the Swiss-French border, will be more powerful still and will be better able to show what particles are created in the collisions of beams of protons traveling at the speed of light.
The new Geneva collider will re-create the rapidly changing conditions in the universe a split second after the Big Bang. It will be the closest that scientists have come to the event that they theorize was the beginning of the universe. They hope the new equipment will enable them to study particles and forces yet unobserved.
But Fermilab still has time to be first if it can show that it has discovered the Higgs boson, Higgs said.
Nobel laureate Leon Lederman has dubbed the theoretical boson "the God particle" because its discovery could unify understanding of particle physics and help humans "know the mind of God."
Higgs told reporters he is hoping to receive confirmation of his theory by the time he turns 80 in May 2009.
If not, he added, "I'll just have to ask my GP to keep me alive a bit longer," referring to his general practitioner, not the God particle, a term he does not embrace because he fears it might offend some people.
Higgs predicted the existence of the boson while working at the University of Edinburgh to explain how atoms — and the objects they make up — have weight.
Without the particle, the basic physics theory — the "standard model" — lacks a crucial element, because it fails to explain how other subatomic particles — such as quarks and electrons — have mass.
The Higgs theory is that the bosons create a field through which the other particles pass.
The particles that encounter difficulty going through the field as though they are passing through molasses pick up more inertia, and mass. Those that pass through more easily are lighter.
Higgs said he would be "very, very puzzled" if the particle is never found because he cannot image what else could explain how particles get mass.
Higgs said initial reaction to his ideas in the early 1960s was skeptical.
"My colleagues thought I was a bit of an idiot," he said, noting that his initial paper explaining how his theory worked was rejected by an editor at CERN.
He said a colleague spent the summer at CERN right after he did his work on the theory.
"He came back and said, 'At CERN they didn't see that what you were talking about had much to do with particle physics.'
"I then added on some additional paragraphs and sent it off across the Atlantic to Physical Review Letters, who accepted it. The mention of what became known as the Higgs boson was part of the extra which was added on."
_______________________________________________________
I really enjoy learning more about physics.It certainly helps explain the HOW of life.But certainly, not the WHY--which is ultimately the more urgent question. How 'bout you? Does physics and the "Big Bang" threaten your Faith, strengthen it, or make no difference? For me, The Divine Mystery is served by science--- which is always unfolding--- much like Faith has layers to it....

Hi kids...It's nearly April 4th, 2008---it will be 40(forty!) years since he was assassinated.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. died on April 4th, 1968...
I was a very young girl when the Civil Rights movement was in full swing. I remember seeing on television, images of black people being sprayed with water-hoses by police officers, and asking my mom "Why are they spraying the black people, Mommy?".
My Mom got the same kind of look on her face that she did whenever I asked how it was we(the U.S.) always seemed to have fewer soldiers killed in the Vietnam War than the Viet Cong--their "count" was always higher; we always seemed to have fewer deaths. The same look she'd give me, when I insisted on watching the news, with Walter Cronkite sighing at times, and often looking like he might cry. My mother finally answered me, as I kept inquiring why the policemen would spray people, and beat people who were doing nothing but sitting down, allowing themselves to be arrested. "Sometimes, the police are wrong, Lisa."
"It sure looks that way," I said.
"Yes, honey."
Only hours after news of King's death, as my family was leaving my elementary school(I attended a great Catholic school, located in a poor, urban, at the time, predominantly African-American area of Tampa)our old brown Chevrolet was suddenly pelted with rocks, and even a brick was hurled at us. "Get down, girls," my mother ordered.
"Why are people throwing things at us, Mom?" I asked, as I noticed a large group of angry faces yelling at us.
"I'll explain later," my Mom said.
And she did. She told me that many people were upset, hurt that someone very important had been taken away from them, and from us...That we were seen as maybe having something to do with that loss, even though we certainly did not cause that loss. That we should pray for these people who were hurt, that we should pray for us, because we, too, were hurt by this man dying. This man's name was Dr. Martin Luther King, and we should be grateful that he had been here, and worked hard for us, for equal rights, for everyone....
I watched several dozen videos about Dr. King, and this one is absolutely the best. It happens to have French subtitles, but I don't think it will inhibit your experience of it. It's posted below...
And, for an account of what this world might be like, had Dr. King lived, read on.


If King Had Lived, What Now?
By ALLEN G. BREED, AP National Writer
The preacher in him would have continued speaking out against injustice, war and maybe even pop culture. He would likely not have run for president. He probably would have endured more harassment from J. Edgar Hoover.
Four decades after the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. fell to an assassin's bullet, colleagues and biographers offer many answers to the question: What if he had lived?
For his children, however, the speculation is more personal. They know their lives would have turned out differently had they had their beloved father to guide and teach them.
Instead, history moves on, remaking the world in myriad ways. The nation has grappled with issues of race and inequity without the benefit of King's evolving wisdom. A generation has come of age celebrating him in a national holiday, like other figures of the frozen past.
But given the trajectory of his life — from his appearance on the national scene during the Montgomery, Ala., bus boycott of 1955 to his death on a second-floor balcony of the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tenn., on April 4, 1968 — some of those closest to him have a good idea what King might be doing now, and where we might be as a country.
In the months before his death, King was speaking out against the growing U.S. involvement in Vietnam and was working with other civil rights leaders on a Poor People's Campaign, with a march on Washington scheduled for that May. He was in Memphis that spring day to support striking sanitation workers.
Were King alive today, the disciple of Mahatma Gandhi would most certainly be speaking out against the Iraq War, says King biographer David J. Garrow. However, citing the famous "Drum Major Instinct" sermon King delivered from the pulpit of Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta just two months before his death, Garrow says people might be surprised to hear echoes of presidential candidate Barack Obama's controversial former pastor.
"God didn't call America to engage in a senseless, unjust war," King said of the fighting in Vietnam. "And we are criminals in that war. We've committed more war crimes almost than any nation in the world, and I'm going to continue to say it."
While King didn't go as far as the Rev. Jeremiah Wright in suggesting that God "damn America," he predicted that the almighty might punish this country for "our pride and our arrogance."
"And if you don't stop your reckless course," he imagined the deity admonishing, "I'll rise up and break the backbone of your power."
Garrow and others feel comfortable saying that King would not have sought elective office.
In 1967, King was being courted by the "New Left" to make a third-party run for president on an anti-war ticket with the renowned pediatrician, Dr. Benjamin Spock. FBI wiretaps reveal that King gave serious thought to running, but ultimately decided that his role lay outside the political arena.
The Rev. Joseph Lowery, who co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference with King and marched alongside him, doesn't think time would have changed his friend's mind.
"I think Martin was a preacher, and I doubt very much if he would have wanted to subject himself to the need to compromise and play certain games that are requisite to political candidacy," says Lowery. "I think he would have preferred to do what he did best, and that was point out to ALL candidates and ALL officials ... `Thus sayeth the Lord.'"
Had he chosen that path, his enemies — chief among them FBI Director Hoover — would have laid bare potentially embarrassing details of King's personal life.
Then-U.S. Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy authorized the wiretapping of King's home and offices in a campaign to ferret out communists. The secret recording campaign failed to prove that King was a communist, but it did provide evidence of the civil rights leader's extramarital affairs.
William C. Sullivan, head of domestic intelligence under Hoover, told a congressional committee that King was subjected to the same tactics used against Soviet agents and, "No holds were barred."
Hoover's office was unable to marginalize King with his supporters or cow him into silence with threats of exposure. But how might King have fared in the Internet age, when every peccadillo is exposed and every word parsed in a 24-hour news cycle?
The late Hosea Williams, one of King's chief lieutenants, once told Martin Luther King III that his father was "unstoppable" because he had conquered the two things that made men most vulnerable: the fear of death and the love of wealth.
Some, however, feel King's influence was on the wane and that at the time of his death he had already reached the zenith of his public career. He had "run out of things to do," the late Chauncey Eskridge, a King attorney, told Garrow.
"The painful truth is that in his last two months or so before he was killed, King was so exhausted — emotionally, spiritually, physically — that a lot of the people closest ... to him were really worried about his survival, his survival in the sense of would he have some sort of breakdown," Garrow says. "It would be expecting something truly superhuman, literally superhuman, for King to have continued the pace of life he had lived over those 12 years for another 12 years, never mind for another 20 or 40 years."
Journalist, author and commentator Juan Williams wonders whether King would be able to connect in a meaningful way with today's youth.
Although he was just 39, the 1964 Nobel Peace laureate's insistence on nonviolence was bumping up against the burgeoning black power movement, says Williams, author of "Eyes on the Prize" and more recently "Enough: The Phony Leaders, Dead-End Movements, and Culture of Failure That Are Undermining Black America_and What We Can Do About It."
"The big issue would be whether or not when he spoke out against the excesses of the rappers, for example, or when he spoke out on the high number of children born out of wedlock, whether or not he would be lumped in with the Bill Cosbys of the world ...," Williams says.
But he has no doubt King would be a force on the international stage.
"I don't think he'd be in the petty fray in the way that we think of some of these civil rights guys who are kind of ambulance chasers," says Williams. Instead, he sees an elder King as a man of "some standing, some stature, that people wait to hear from him... I think of Nelson Mandela in this way."
Lowery says that when King died, part of the nation's conscience died with him. Four young children lost something much more personal.
To Marty, Yolanda, Dexter and Bernice, the baby, Martin Luther King Jr. wasn't the icon or the dreamer. He was Daddy — the man who smelled of Magic Shave and Aramis and chlorine from the YMCA pool where he taught his sons to swim, and of the long-stemmed green onions that somehow fell outside the prohibition against eating before the evening blessing.
One of Bernice King's fondest memories is of the ritual she and her father shared when he'd return from a trip, like the time he came home for her fifth birthday party on March 29, 1968 — a day late because of a march in Memphis. She would jump into his arms for the "kissing game," in which each member of the family had a different spot on his face. Bernice's "designated spot" was his forehead.
Had her father lived, the 45-year-old minister is fairly certain she would be married and have children by now. But his graphic death and ponderous legacy, she fears, have made her a less than "viable candidate" for domestic bliss. Part of the problem is that her father set the bar so high. She remembers something her mother often said.
"She said, `I didn't marry a man. I married a mission,'" the daughter says. "So for me, a spouse is more than just a companion. It's someone to fulfill your destiny with. And I think in my case, because the destiny is so great, because you had a man whose life was cut short and there was some work that had to be completed, that you now have a responsibility to participate in, that makes it a little more difficult."
Martin III, likewise, feels he wouldn't be having his first child at age 50 had his father not been killed. "I wasn't clear that I even wanted to bring a child into the world," he says.
Both siblings are quite certain, however, that their father's death did not determine their career paths.
"I don't feel like I could have been exposed to what my father and mother were doing without being involved in this movement," says Martin King, president of the nonprofit group Realizing the Dream.
Each year as the assassination anniversary approaches, legions flock to the Lorraine Motel, which now houses the National Civil Rights Museum. Among those who made the pilgrimage last week were two lions of the civil rights movement — U.S. Rep. John Lewis and the Rev. Jesse Jackson.
If King were alive today, Lewis has no doubt he would be speaking just as forcefully and with as much authority as ever about the issues that matter most to Americans, old and young.
"He would be the undisputed leader," the Georgia Democrat says. "Martin Luther King Jr. 40 years later would still be speaking out against poverty, hunger, against violence, against war."
Jackson, then 26 years old, was in the parking lot of the Lorraine that day, talking up to King when he was shot. During his recent visit, the aging activist stepped over a low wall meant to keep out ordinary tourists, climbed the stairs to the balcony where his mentor lay dying, and wept.
King would be 79 now, but Jackson feels his power to move would remain undiminished.
"He might not be leading the marches, but he would have set the frame of reference," says Jackson. "His voice would be a voice of great moral authority."
Of all the "might be's" and "what if's," MLK III feels sure of one thing. Had his father lived, the country would be closer to realizing the "beloved community" he'd envisioned.
Still, he feels his father's guiding force pulling us inexorably in that direction.
"From my perspective, his light still shines," he says. "His voice, his message, we're living every day. We're embracing more and more. We're not as close to it as I would like to see us, but we're still living it. We're still moving toward it."
So, in that way, he lives.
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EDITOR'S NOTE: AP writers Woody Baird and Jason Bronis contributed to this report.