So, I'm baking.
Brownies, Key-Lime Pie, and cupcakes. In that order, beginning tonight.
Grief has a way of activating us.Why Grief? Because it's the emotion that presses on us, leaves, and returns. Often, folks say it comes "in waves". Mine comes like musical notes--high notes; low, deep notes. Every day.
Who am I grieving? My uncle's life-partner, a man with many wonderful talents, R. worked as a carpenter, barber, florist, renovator of homes, and gardener. R. was tender-hearted towards animals. He even adopted and cared-for an orphaned squirrel--for the whole six years it lived(inside their home).
When my uncle called to go over the obituary with me(I was placing it in the paper here, for him, as he lives elsewhere), he asked how he should refer to R.
"Should I say 'companion' or 'partner', Lisa?"
"Why don't you say 'Life-Partner', I mean, if you want to..."
He interrupted with "make a statement?"
"Yes," I said,
"Because he was your Life-Partner."
"42 Years", he said.
This is what I'm grieving. That his love,their love, while always there, was never openly acknowledged. Oh, it was with me(I'm an activist, I'm the Bi niece he can say anything to), but I think it's only now that he sees that maybe if he/the two of them could've been more open, more "out", the loss that he feels wouldn't have this ring of hollowness, that we both know it does.
That's why I'm grieving. I'm grieving that they never really had that recognition--as two men who deeply loved one another, as two men, both smart, both witty, both with many losses in childhood, who looked to each other, to walk through life with, together.