A time of sacrifice, after a celebration and before an even larger celebration--Easter, and renewal.
Having loaned, spent, offered something.
After dealing with tremendous loss last fall (a beloved Sis-in-law passed away suddenly of cancer, just weeks after giving birth. The cancer was not discovered until days after she gave birth), and terrifying diagnosis given to yet another loved one( early stage cancer discovered and later, defeated, this past February), I was feeling exhausted emotionally.
All this loss (last fall) and fear ( this past February) was set against a backdrop of professional accomplishment for me, personally.
Any joy I initially felt at being cast in both a short-film (Reggie Price's "Just Us") and a feature-length film ("Unspoken Words") as well as being selected for representation by a leading agent in " the biz" of acting, evaporated in the mist of sadness that has enveloped me, for months. Even learning from award-winning filmmaker Henderson Maddox that "Unspoken Words" will be completed by June and ready for Premiere before this year ends, was not enough to excite me, though I am grateful to jump back into Benetha, the cruel foster-mother I am privileged to portray.
Understanding the meaning of Lent this year is fraught with reliving much pain . But the gorgeous irony is that I can live through this, and then "lend" it to God as I experience Him. I can then sacrifice not merely eating potato chips(most Catholics deny themselves some treat or pleasure), but my own ego, by recognizing that the real illusion is not my playing Benetha, or anyone else. The real illusion is the sense of control,the sense of ownership of self that we all believe is truth. Truth I realize, is accepting that we have very little control, but that we must endeavor anyway, that we must make the very best of each moment, because each moment is a moment BESTOWED on us.
To recognize every single moment as Divine, is I think, to see that we have this responsibility--- not just at Lent ( when perhaps we ponder more often) --- but every single day we are bestowed.
The days I am given, are days I must "Lend" my voice, my talents, my heart.
Make the most of this Lenten Season: examine your heart.