Saturday, May 26, 2012

Friday Night is not Alright.

So it's late-late Friday night, and it's the beginning of another weekend. Weekends are not exciting for me, because there is no joy in weekends. They are a reminder. A reminder that my family-of-origin (what we used to call, where I come from, kin-folk), moved faraway, years ago. That I have no children (not that I ever had that "burning desire" for birthing biological children of my own, but hey, if I have something to offer, I'd like to foster, and eventually, adopt an older child (or two!));that I have few folks who live near me, who'd enjoy attending a dance-concert, or a play; that I eat too much---way too much---of sugar, because eating baked goods, makes me feel comforted, just like ice cream does, just like drinking coffee does, just like alcohol could, if I let it, just like Ecstacy did, when I tried it a few times, years ago, just like dancing with wild abandon, (what a girlfriend of mine said my dancing was like), still does. Because being alone (a good thing--a great thing, even, because I can write in peace, after all!), is not the same as being lonely, but I feel that way too, lonely. Very. And often. So what is it I'm missing? What is it for which I long? To be seen and heard, to be understood. When I was little, my mother would remind me, whenever we had company for dinner, or visited another family's home, "Children should be seen, and not heard." I don't believe that, and I don't want that, and....I want to see and hear, and understand, others. Top of my list, for the next week: seeing the stage musical, "Xanadu", at Actor's Express.Seeing the World Premiere of "The Waffle Palace", at Little Five Points' Horizon Theatre. Seeing if I can get out of this "funk", depression, self-pity (I loathe anyone pitying themselves). Seeing light, again. Peace, kids.


Anonymous said...

Well although i wish you didn't feel this way, know there is company in it. Btw all those shows are great spirit lifters. Perhaps you should try volunteer ushering at some of those theatres on the weekends.

Lisa Allender said...

Hi Anonymous--I have ushered at a few theatres in Atlanta, in the past.Not in several years, though.I only stopped ushering because I just go to a show sort of spur of the moment now, in order to be "available" for auditions, call-backs, etc., as often those auditions/callbacks are last-minute, which makes it often challenging to "plan" stuff, in-advance. I DO appreciate your care in writing, and commiserating, though.Niiice.And thank you, sir or madam. :)