Who Is She?

Today is her birthday. She is 53, and still as beautiful as she was in her 30's. She's a mom, a wife, a career-person who's navigated public-relations work in the rental car industry, worked as a performer at the most fabulous nightclub of the 1980's: The Limelight in Atlanta; modeled for national calendars and events; worked as an executive in accounting and advertising both in print and in television, and promoted every industry from voice-over and film production, to home-improvement supplies, to bowling alleys, movie theaters and entertainment emporiums, to real estate to film festivals. She's raised an educated, talented, gorgeous, and very grateful daughter, and in the past year--this woman has also dealt with the unceasing loss of her own mom, and the subsequent, unyielding grief of that loss. She is wife to a man who knows he can count on her to be there for him, to hug him when he needs a hug, to fix his favorite meal, to let him do the grilling when he is up for that; to cheer for "his" team. She reaches out to her neighbors, her church, her community. She has a laugh that is so melodic, it makes the birds outside, jealous. She's crazy-funny, and is always up for surprising someone with a homemade casserole, or a plate of crostini. She can be exhausting, because few can keep up with her early-morning pace, her running schedule, her bicycle races for numerous charities and causes: Cancer, MS, Arthritis, to name a few.... She's 53 today, and I'm proud to say, she's my warm and caring sister. You inspire me, Tina Georgette Allender Dudley. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS! Peace, kids.

Eulogy for Mom--Demetra Leonora Allender, May 28th, 1939-October 12th, 2014.

So it ends. The life of the person who birthed me into this world, the person whose life I fought to save, for the past 17 months, has left this world. I must write the Eulogy for Mom, for her funeral, very soon. I've already written background-info for the priest (she's having a Roman Catholic Funeral). I've listed who she is "survived-by", and written a brief bio for the funeral home which handled her cremation, because they are posting that info, as well as announcements of the arrangements, etc., on their website for us. And now? The Eulogy.... How do I begin to describe Mom? Well, she was gorgeous: a dark-haired, doe-eyed Greek beauty, with olive skin and defiant, curly black hair. Hair she often despised, as she found it "unmanageable". I'd say her hair was like Mom: untamed, and un-tame-able, Mom lived her life by her own rules. She exited childhood and leapt quickly into marriage, a marriage that although it didn't last forever, lasted a good long while, a marriage that even Mom would later say was "a good, strong marriage". A marriage that provided her with two daughters who adored her. Mom was not afraid of hard work, or getting sweaty, or dirty. Her love of the gym, running, jogging, bicycling, and gardening, all delightful for her. In a word, "Work-out" describes Mom, because in addition to the obvious act of working-out, Mom gave us all a mental-workout, as she was always up-to-date on world events, and politics. She loved all things CNN, and MSNBC. Lived for Anderson Cooper, and Chris Matthews. "Meet the Press", and "Face the Nation". Mom was active in campaigning, too. I asked my sister, Tina, if she could name one word to describe Mom, what word would she use, and she immediately said: "forgiving", and, 'sacrifice', because she made sure we always had everything we needed..." Tina's correct. Mom's forgiving heart meant we could come to her, even if we'd made a mistake--unafraid, knowing we would be unconditionally LOVED...and her total commitment to providing for others may well have been her biggest flaw, in that she often neglected her own needs, choosing to help her family, no matter the cost. And Mom welcomed us with her faith, always. For me, a person who for decades did not have a sense of God, her patience and example of selflessness deeply affected me. Eventually, I returned to the Church, and Mom, then-employed by The Jewish Center in Dunwoody, Georgia, as I discussed my flourishing curiosity about all things spiritual, remarked "You know, Lisa, if I weren't Catholic, I'd be Jewish...I love the rituals, the food, and you know, Jesus was Jewish..." Shortly after Mom was diagnosed, she said her faith was strong, but she wondered if it was 'strong enough". I saw her whip through day after day, week after week, month after month, of Radiation Therapy, and the bi-monthly Chemotherapy, and the attendant acupuncture to improve her balance, the physical therapy to help her walk a bit, the extra supplements she had to swallow, often painfully, and I saw a woman, undeterred, determined, and brave. We attended Mass together, in Newnan. We saw Mom get stellar results from her treatments that as her physicians stated, "only 1% of cancer patients receive." And when times got tougher, she was able to find joy even in the darkest of moments, by painting, or attending a drum-circle session, playing Bingo, or enjoying gelato. One day when Mom was especially tired, the Chaplain at CTCA, Newnan, came by and left a book for us, outside our door. Knowing Mom needed her rest, I brought the book, entitled "Jesus Calling" inside, setting it on a table out of her sight, as she was already falling asleep. When she asked "Who was that?" I answered simply, "Why, it was Chaplain Lawanda, she brought "Jesus Calling". "Well, tell him I'm not ready", was her curt reply. Such was Mom. Inclusive, loving, always-quick-witted, and always there for us. Sunday before last, Mom was ready, and I watched her fly away to a place of peace. We Love You, Mom.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM--DEMETRA ALLENDER!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM--DEMETRA ALLENDER!!!
My Mom is 70 years old today. Still beautiful, smart, savvy, with the same wicked sense of humor that lets me know she's always a few steps ahead of me.
My Mom grew up in a household with her generous, kind Mom who I called Yia-Yia(I've referenced my Yia-Yia(Greek for Grandmother)--Georgia Chiboucas--numerous times in this blog, over the past few years)and her Dad--Nick C.--a smart, ambitious man who unfortunately lived as an alcoholic most of his life. My Mom never complained though. Instead, she told great stories of her brother, two sisters, and her spending numerous days fishing, running around at the beach, and even running around in their front yard, spraying the water-hose at each other(Every child shirtless, in underwear. Those were innocent days, when a child was safe in their front yard, shirtless, in underwear).
My Mom grew up loving dogs, and she carried this love for dogs into her marriage with her husband, John.When I was around 7, we got a German Shepherd puppy. My Mom and Dad later became active in the German Shepherd Dog Club of Tampa, and for years, my Mom was the Mom to not only sis Tina and me, but our doggie-siblings, too!
It was a lively household, and one where education was emphasized, and where we were supported, and always lifted-up, by Mom, her faith(she was raised Greek Orthodox, and converted to Roman Catholic)and her faith in us.
I can't believe she's 70 (people still say we look like sisters--and if I resemble her--then that's a real compliment to me!), because she is still all-Mom, all-the-time!
Thanks for your love and encouragement, Mom. I know I haven't always made it easy for you!
If you are fortunate enough to still have your Mom, then, in honor of my Mom--give her a hug, and a phone-call, today!

Photo Credits:

Photo of Mom, by Hansoo. Celebrating her birthday a bit early at our house, on Sunday, May 24th, 2009.

Photo of Mom and me, in Atlanta at a photo shoot with L.A.-based photographer, Kelsey Edwards on August 5th, 2007. I was having head shots made, and Ms. Edwards kindly included both Hansoo, and my Mom, in some of the shots!

www.kelseyedwardsphoto.com
Peace, kids.